Come With Me

Come With Me exists in two forms. one as an original script format for university, the other as an attempt at a present for girlfriend. Neither worked

Come With Me

ACT 1 SCENE 1

INSIDE A HOSPITAL ROOM, JOHN SITS UPSTAGE MIDDLE WHILE HIS WIFE CLARA LAYS ON A HOSPITAL BED CENTRE STAGE. THERE IS A HEART MONITOR NEXT TO THE BED WITH A STEADY BEEPING RTHYMN

A NURSE IS STANDING UPSTAGE LEFT

JOHN              It’s not fair…

CLARA          Life isn’t sweetie

JOHN              Well it bloody well should be! I don’t want to loose you… (stifles a sob)

CLARA          Please don’t cry, I can’t bear it. All the things I wanted to do with you… All that time gone down to stupid chance

JOHN              A year… it’s not fair! A year isn’t nearly enough time for me to spend with you, I love you so much.

CLARA          (Starts to breathe raggedly) I don’t want to die without you!

HEART RATE STARTS TO QUICKEN

JOHN              Oh no don’t die! Please not yet! Not ever!

CLARA          Come with me!

JOHN              (Pause) What? I… I can’t…

CLARA          Please John come with me! I don’t want to be alone wherever I go!

JOHN IS LOST FOR WORDS

CLARA          (In tears) Don’t leave me! I love you and I don’t wanna be without you!

JOHN              (mumbles) I’m afraid

CLARA          So am I! But I just want to be with you forever! Don’t you?

JOHN              I…

CLARA          Come with me! Please!

CLARA STARTS TO GASP FOR BREATH; HER HEARTBEAT QUICKENS FASTER THEN FLAT LINES. THE NURSE STEPS TO THE BED.

NURSE           Time of death, Ten past one pm (PAUSES THEN TURNS TO THE SOBBING JOHN) I’m sorry… My grandmother died of cancer

ACT 1 SCENE 2

TOM SITS ON A PUB STOOL MIDDLE STAGE LEFT SIPPING HIS PINT AND READING A NEWSPAPER EVERY SO OFTEN CHECKING HIS WATCH.

JOHN ENTERS STAGE RIGHT AND WALKS OVER TO TOM LOOKING DISHEVELED. IN THE BACKGROUND “love will tear us apart” (by joy division) IS PLAYING

JOHN              Oh sorry I’m late, I was…umh… I’m sorry I forgot alright? But at least I’m here.

JOHN SITS ON AN OPPOSITE STOOL

TOM               Not like the last three times (SMIRKS) but it’s alright, I mean, how long was it since I last saw you?

JOHN              Four months.

TOM               Since. (IS CUT OFF)

JOHN              Yeah…

TOM               (PAUSES) You been keeping busy then?

JOHN              Not really…

TOM               (SIGHES) Uhh… Pint?

JOHN              Yeah sure

TOM STANDS AND WALKS OFF STAGE BRIEFLY WHILE JOHN SITS ON THE STOOL LOOKING UNCOMFORTABLE. AFTER A MOMENT TOM RETURNS WITH THE PINT

TOM               There you go mate, don’t worry, this one’s on me (PAUSE) so… you ok? You holding up alright?

JOHN              You know what? I’m not, this is the first time I’ve left the house for something other than shopping and work. (JOHN QUICKLY DRINKS A LARGE PORTION OF HIS PINT)

TOM               Ah shit….I’m sorry mate

JOHN              What for? It’s not like it’s your fault is it?

TOM               Well… You know, I could have been more tactful…that’s all I’m sayin..

JOHN              Well don’t say! … I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be snapping at you… How have you been?

TOM               Oh you know, work work work. I got a new Gir (DROPS OFF) nevermind…

JOHN              You don’t have to walk on eggshells… yeah I still hurt… I still hurt a lot but I’m dealing with it (HE FINISHES HIS PINT)

TOM               Well that’s good, I just wanna make sure your alright mate…

JOHN              You know the last thing she said to me?

TOM               What?

JOHN              She said “Come with me”…

TOM               Well… she was scared, I don’t blame her.

JOHN              Yeah, me neither.

TOM NODS AND DRINKS, THEN PAUSES

TOM               I know that tone… Your not thinking?

JOHN              Tom I would be with her now if I wasn’t a coward.

TOM               You’re not a coward mate…and (IS CUT OFF)

JOHN              I fucking am! I don’t want to live without her but I’m too scared to die!

TOM               Mate! What about all the other things in your life? Your family?

JOHN              She mattered more than my family, I know that sounds harsh but it’s true!

TOM               You could meet someone else… she’d want you to move on.

JOHN              You don’t know shit!

TOM               Well… I… I cant really say “Go ahead mate, need a hand offing yourself?” can I?

JOHN              I know… I know…

TOM               Just… don’t do anything rash ok?

JOHN              If rash was what I’m like I would have done it the day after she…

TOM               Well… just don’t mate? And would you do me a favour?

JOHN              What?

TOM               See a doctor? I mean a head-doctor?

JOHN              Maybe

TOM               Please?

JOHN              Listen… I’ve got to go

TOM               You only just got here!

JOHN              yeah well… I need to get home.

TOM               Alright… seeya mate

JOHN LEAVES STAGE RIGHT WITHOUT REPLYING AND TOM PICKS UP HIS PAPER AND READS AGAIN.

And now the prose format 

Come With Me

The Novel

                John was thinking about things. About the past. About the future. Whatever John was thinking, it was to avoid thinking about the present. The midday sun was timidly poking through the curtains of the flat. Thin slices of light flittered about the detritus of the fetid room. The television was stuck on a twenty-four hour news channel, as it had been the day before and the day before that. Not that John was paying any attention, just a source of noise to block out the terrible silence that seemed to fill what was once their home.
                John was thinking about two divergent possibilities. The one that had already happened and the one that could have been. Where his and Clara’s paths could have split and they would have never been, they could have never met, never got on, had some falling out and broken up. All of which seemed a much brighter possibility “Such is the benefit of Hindsight” John thought to himself. John’s flat hadn’t been cleaned in months, not properly at least, there was no stink of rotting food or discarded human matter tossed aside carelessly. The problem with the flat was it had become stale, like a mausoleum without the dead. The amber drink in John’s tumbler was tilting as the third drink since he awoke was taking its affect, calling him into the numb sleep. The answering machine light flittered on and off, full of unheard messages that bore no meaning to John any more.
John’s mind swung from the possibilities of an alternate world back into reality, and what was real, what had really happened and how it had shattered his idyllic life.

*

John strode across the university campus. The bare trees were showing the slightest signs of leaves and life, the winter miasma that spreads over any academic institution was lifting as the days were getting longer. Students had begun to sporadically populate the lawns and benches that decorate the campus, although they were still clothed in jumpers and coats, the dawn of spring instilled the will and the life to end their voluntary hibernation. It was the final year for John and he was approaching it with a mix of emotions, the finality to his youth and the encroaching adulthood was met with a sense of fearful excitement, the same fearful excitement of waiting for a rollercoaster, the thrills and the scares mixed into a tight ball in the pit of your stomach.

John had a destination and a purpose. Go to the student union bar, meet Alexandra (or Alley as she prefer) and drink as many noxious liquids as their bodies and wallets could handle. Alexandra was John’s best friend from college and it was a no coincidence that they had attended the same university, John had chosen to study Law at Manchester and Alexandra had decided to study Sociology at Manchester Met. While John was leading their friendship, the shared benefit of this move to the same city granted them the benefit of having someone to rely on in a strange and large city.

Squirrel Storage

SCENE 1

EXT MORNING  employment office window, a young woman called EMMA BRENNER browsing the jobs in the window, looks closely at a job saying “Storage facility maintenance, 10 pm – 6 am, £15 pound an hour, must have strong mental constitution” she smiles and walks indoors and takes the card out of the window.

SCENE 2

INT MORNING inside the employment office, EMMA walks to an office where a fussy looking man sat at an old office desk is looking nervous. EMMA stands at the table

EMMA

Hi I was told to talk to you about the storage job?

ADVISOR

What?! You want that job?

EMMA

Urmh, Yes?

ADVISOR

Well I suppose you’d better sit down then

EMMA pauses, looking at the office chair warily, but then sits down

EMMA

Long day?

ADVISOR

Yes! What’s that got to do with it?  Pause I’m sorry I’m a little stressed, it’s just this job.

EMMA

I thought working here you’d be able to find a better job!

ADVISOR

What? No no, this job is fine; I’m talking about the one your applying for

EMMA

Really? What’s wrong with it?

The ADVISOR takes a deep breath to speak then pauses, and starts to shake his head smiling, while his eyebrow twitches

ADVISOR

Nothing! Nothing, it just has a high drop out rate, that’s all, lots of people can’t take working nights. I know I can’t! Repeats under his breath I know I can’t....

EMMA

Well, ok, it seems like a good job...

ADVISOR

Yes! It is, easy work, all you do is watch a storage facility, nothing expensive there, and you can just read the paper!

EMMA

Are you sure it doesn’t require anything else?

ADVISOR

No no.... pause no it’s fine. When can you start?

EMMA

Don’t you want to know my qualifications?

 The ADVISOR pauses again and nods slowly, he is sweating

ADVISOR

Yes! Yes I do, what qualifications do you have?

EMMA

Well I have a B in socio-

The ADIVSOR cuts her off

ADVISOR

Good enough! Can you start you start tonight?

EMMA

Well I suppose I can

ADVISOR

Good! I hope you... I hope you do well!

ADVISOR hands her a leaflet of information and walks away hurriedly

SCENE 3

EXT 10PM an elderly looking man called MIKE is standing outside a large warehouse with large doors big enough for an aeroplane to fit through. On the front of the building in large blue letters it says SQUIRREL STORAGE with a blue logo of a squirrel. MIKE is wearing a uniform; leaning on a cane and is standing next to an opening in the large doors just big enough for a person to fit through. EMMA walks towards him

MIKE

‘Ello! You must be the girl sent by the job offie!

EMMA

Yes! Hello I’m Emma, I’m sorry but I wasn’t told much at the job office.

MIKE

Well it’s easy, you just make sure nothing interrupts the computers; the squirrels stay in sleep mode and call the numbers on the list in case anyone tries to break in.

EMMA

I’m sorry but what? Squirrels?

MIKE

Doesn’t the title really give you a clue? Squirrel storage, this is where we store the nation’s squirrel supply

EMMA

Erm, this may seem like a stupid question, but why?

MIKE

Exasperatedly I don’t have much time to explain this, but when grey squirrels came into Britain, they out-bred and killed off all the red squirrels, and then very quickly, killed themselves off too. They’re thick see?

EMMA

Erm...

MIKE

Squirrels are vital to the environment of the world, not just Britain, it’s very simple, and anyone could understand it. I don’t, but I’m sure you could.

EMMA

But?!

MIKE

Just watch them! It’s easy I’ve been doing it for ten years and look at me! I’m fine!

EMMA

Hesitantly Alright... I’ll give it a try PAUSE  I’m not wearing a uniform; I guess I’ll get it at sometime right?

MIKE

Don’t worry about it, you’ll be the only one here anyway, no one will notice!

EMMA

Oh, WAIT! What?!

MIKE

My shift’s over luv! I’m off to town to get blitzed, I’ll be thirty soon, can’t do all nighters long after that!

MIKE steps away with his cane

EMMA

Wait! What do I do if something goes wrong?

MIKE  turns to EMMA

MIKE

Just call the number on the side and follow the instructions they give you!

MIKE leaves EMMA by herself and she hesitantly walks inside.

SCENE 4

EMMA  walks inside the cavernous storage room and she is confront with row after thousands of rows of squirrels hanging upside down on hooks by their tales, all rigid and in the same position, to her right is a set of metal stairs that lead up to a square observatory office with chairs, monitors, computer screens, a newspaper and a tea and coffee machine. EMMA walks up the stairs and slowly sits

EMMA

Well this could be interesting...

Title on the screen TEN MINUTES LATER

EMMA

Boring... boring..... bored

EMMA puts her feet up on the edge of the console, and promptly knocks over a cold cup of tea onto and she gives and shrill gasp of fright, she stands and starts to mop up the tea with the bottom of her shirt when she notices to red dots of light coming from the warehouse, then four, then 6 then 10 and so on until she is confronted with thousands of red little dots of red light which dim and turn out to be the eyes of thousands of squirrels looking at her.

EMMA

Very quietly Fuck...

The squirrels pour out of the warehouse in one mass movement, in less than half a minute the entire place is devoid of squirrels. EMMA turns to the list and slowly picks of the phone

EMMA

Umh, Hi, All the squirrels got out?

Meritocracy

The Scene opens up to the interior of a McDonalds. SHELLY and TREVOR are sat at a table a table piled high with fast food and empty wrappers while a soft pop song pays in the background with lyrics something along the line of “Baby baby, you’re my baby, baby baby ooh love” and “I’ll buy you what you need, I’ll buy You want you want, I’ll buy you”

SHELLY

‘Ere have you heard the news?

TREVOR

Wassat then?

SHELLY

You mean you’ve not seen the main news?

TREVOR

No I’ve not! You know I don’t watch the news; it does me ‘ead in!

SHELLY

Britney’s lost ‘er kids again!

TREVOR

Again?

SHELLY

Yeer, she says she still loves them.

TREVOR

Come on now, this is getting stupid

SHELLY

Wot? I love my kids like that!

TREVOR

Yeah but your kids aren’t thirty!

SHELLY

She just loves them! Leave Britney alone!

TREVOR

For Christ’s Sake!

SIMON enters and walks to SHELLY’s and TREVOR’s table and clears aside the debris of wasted food wrappers

SIMON

A’ right Trev, BEAT hiya Shelly

TREVOR

Ya’right Si?

SIMON

Nah, some shit’s goin

INTERUPTED BY SHELLY

SHELLY

Why’d you invite this nob for?! He’s a mental!

SIMON

Why am I a mental shel? Because I don’t accept the lies your spoon fed?!

SHELLY

Oh yeah and nine eleven was a trick was it?

SIMON

Don’t get me started on that

SHELLY

Why?! Cuz Hitler did it? Or whatever bollocks your on this weekend

TREVOR

All we wanna do is have dinner, why are you to chattin on with yourselves?!

SIMON

Because we have to do something to stop the new world order!

SHELLY

Oh for God’s sake!

SIMON

I’m not pissing about Shelly!

SHELLY

It doesn’t matter! You and your mental ‘ead ideas about the Tony Blair and George Brown don’t mean anything in the real world!

SIMON

SHOUTING If you let me finish then of course they fucking matter!

TREVOR

Whats up Si?

SHELLY

Are the whales working with the aliens?

SIMON

Fuck off Shel!

TREVOR

Si! Calm down, what’s up?

SIMON calms himself down

SIMON

It’s Mickey, he’s gone

TREVOR

What dya mean gone?

SIMON

I mean GONE, you ask his family, they don’t even admit he existed

SHELLY

What dya mean they wont admit he existed?! Course ‘e fookin did, e’s been on the piss enough with us.

SIMON

I dunno, I told him about all the websites I was looking at and then a couple of weeks later ‘e was gone.

TREVOR

What Websites?

SIMON

Conspir... BEAT  Truth Websites

TREVOR

What the fuck have you done Si?

SIMON

Why is it my fucking fault?!

TREVOR STANDS AND LEAVES

SIMON

I was just telling him the truth!

Encolyphatic Badger Disease and It’s relative spread amongst the affluent classes of Warrington (AKA My person Top ten television shows of the moment)

Ok so this afternoon I decided that I definitely wanted to write... something, upon opening my word processor I realised that merely wanting to write something is a jolly good idea but a great idea when you actually have something to write about. So I racked my brain, what did I want to write about? I had a vague idea about doing some low fantasy (Fantasy with a looser construct than Lord of the Rings and it’s ilk), or perhaps some horror but really nothing was coming to me.

Then it hit me, On my often twitter rambles (@Stueymon)I like to talk about my favourite television series, occasional witty insights or just genuine moments of promotion for a television series I enjoy. So that is what I plan to do, what follows from here on is a descending order of television series I genuinely enjoy.  While making this list I decided that I would only include television series that are either broadcasting now or awaiting a new series. Nothing from the past of cancelled will make it into this top ten, because the section proclaiming my love of firef... my love of a certain space-western series would turn into a university essay and limiting my choice of series to the current makes these shows relatively easy to find.

10 Dexter (2006)                                                                              

Dexter features Michael C. Hall as the titular Dexter, the Miami Dade police blood splatter expert who helps his colleagues find murderers. Of course it sounds like a standard procedural cop show so what makes this one different? Dexter himself is a serial killer who chooses his targets using the police database to find criminals who have escaped capture, knowing how the police find and track killers has helped him keep out of the law but also puts him on a knife edge of being caught himself. I actually read the books after seeing the first series because I was so engrossed with what was happening that I felt I needed to know what was going to happen next but I’m not sure I did the right thing. The television series is almost better than the books and events that shock you have a more startling effect on screen than they do in the book. If you feel you can resist spoiling the Tv series for yourself I’d recommend sticking to that but I won’t begrudge you for reading the books out of that need to know.

The premise does at first and last look sound ridiculous but it’s played with splashing of dark humour, good script writing and tense situations that make it wonderfully enjoyable. The series suffered a dip in the second and third seasons but really picked up since and is definitely worth watching if you enjoy dark humour in a cop show that turns the premise on it’s head. The 7^th season of Dexter starts in September 2012

9 Futurama (1999)

If you haven’t heard of Futurama by know then shame on you for missing one of the funniest cartoons available to mankind. I’m assuming everyone has heard of Futurama so I’ll only provide a brief summary. Futurama is mainly the story of Fry, a pizza delivery boy who is trapped on New Year’s Eve in a cryogenic box to the year 3000. The premise is not really what makes the series great but it’s use of comedy. Futurama is the creation of Matt Groening who also penned The Simpsons, yet unlike it’s present-day predecessor Futurama is completely unconcerned with the moral tale that was arbitrarily added to The Simpsons to provide family values. Futurama is a show that has to be keenly watched to get all the jokes, including sight gags and puns used on signs, to vague cultural commentary placed an eon into the future, neatly avoiding controversy.

8 Burn Notice (2007)

Burn Notice for me is what I affectionately call a “Fluff” program. It’s a light action-drama featuring espionage, spies and general nefarious goings on, but is never going to leave you with too much of an emotional impact.

Michael Weston is a spy who is believed to have been acting illegally and is therefore “burned”, a term used for when a spy is left in a country with no identity, money or assets. Fortunately for Michael he is left in Miami where he meets up with an ex-girlfriend, a former colleague and his mother. They work to help people who are in tough situations using their spy-skills to save the day. I admit it’s formulaic but it’s also a lot of fun, like a modern take on the A-team that’s much cooler. If that’s not enough to sell you on it, it also features the iconic Bruce Campell from the Evil dead films, and he’s always cool.

7 Falling Skies (2011)

Falling Skies is sci-fi series produced by Steven Spielburg concerning the fight for survival after an intense alien invasion decimates the Earth’s population and enslaves the majority of the children. I’ll admit I’m somewhat biased towards this series because I’m easily sold on alien invasions and pitched battles concerning aliens but I’m also the first to admit it’s had it’s ups and downs. Some episodes of the first series are dull but it’s definitely worth staying through because.... well, aliens!

This science fiction epic is truly the first of it’s kind to be attempted in well over a decade since the original series of V from the 80s and the visual effects used paint a bleak picture of humanity on the edge of extinction but fighting for their freedom.

6 The Walking Dead (2010)

The Walking Dead is true first for the horror genre in television and while now it seems remarkably stupid that no one had done it before, The Walking Dead is the first television show about an ongoing zombie apocalypse. For the sadly uninitiated, The Walking Dead was originally a comic written by Robert Kirkman, turned into a Tv series by acclaimed director Frank Darabont and predominantly stars Andrew Lincoln as Rick Grimes, a man who wakes up from a coma to find his world has been destroyed by a zombie apocalypse. The first series is well produced, acted and filmed so the quality is top-notch, but this is not for the squeamish, blood, guts and other bits of bodies often find themselves being reduced to lunch for the hungry masses. The second series suffers from an unsure direction but soon heats up to a startling finale. Gripping and gruesome stuff.

5 Episodes (2011)

Beverly and Sean Lincoln are successful British writers who produced a typically British comedy (Think History Boys) that becomes a huge success. Of course this leads to American television companies hearing about it and bringing the Lincolns over to America to make an American adaptation. Of course this doesn’t go as predicted and they are both left writing for a gaudy American sitcom which is almost completely unrelated to their original comedy and stars Matt Le Blanc.

This is a typical fish-out-of-water and culture clash comedy but it’s expertly written and Matt LeBlanc plays a narcissistic dickhead version of himself while Stephan Mangan and Tamsin Greig play the British couple adapting to Hollywood lifestyle and all are played brilliantly. Forget all nightmarish memories of ”Joey” and watch this, LeBlanc has found his footing here and it’s mocking himself mercilessly.

4 Fringe (2008)

Fringe is the second JJ Abrams television project in this list and consists of rogue science and the FBI. If you’re thinking this sounds similar to The X-files, then you’re not far off but Fringe stays firmly rooted in the vaguely plausible science room and never touches the supernatural or the mystical with a barge pole. Each episode involves the FBI’s Fringe division tracking down miscarriages of science that are usually gruesome and they work with an ex-institutionalised scientist and his son who work together to stop or counteract the “mad science” goings on involved.

Again, top-notch production values and the series has always remained interesting, with a meta-arch storyline involving inter-dimensional war that becomes more complex as the story progresses. Sadly this show is on the cancellation line so it’s looking like this will be the last series of Fringe we get to see, I recommend it, if you enjoy procedural shows this may tickle of fancy as it plays similar to that but the crimes themselves veer into the very strange and obviously tickles my fancy.

3 Supernatural (2005)

Supernatural features the progressing story of two brothers who are “Hunters”, people who find and kill supernatural beings to save humanity. There is a typical “Monster of the Week” story for each episode, finding and killing the thingies that live in the dark. Initially I didn’t like this series but it really grew on me after a short while, and what sold me was the relationship between the two brothers, played respectively by Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki who have a wonderful on screen chemistry and really do act like relations, constantly bickering and insulting each other at one moment and loving each other the next.

The series recently finished it’s 7 series and has been renewed for an 8^th so the back story to deal with now is quite heavy but if you’ve got nothing else to watch at the present moment (and if you look at television most of the time, that’s always) then it’s worth putting in the time to watch the older series. As a bonus, almost each episode has a classic rock track in it somewhere!

2 Person of Interest (2011)

Person of Interest is one of my new favourite television shows and the second on this list created by JJ Abrams. Jim Caviezel (Last Temptation of Christ) and Michael Emerson (Lost) play John Reese and Harold Finch respectively. Reese is an ex spy who has special training and Finch is a billionaire who has access to a Machine that can predict violent events and deaths but the only notice they receive is a social security number. 

This means the person could be perpetrating the crime or the victim of it, this leads to an episodic case of the week where they have to deal with working out what is going to happen and who it is going to happen too. This series feels like a cross between 24 and the film Enemy of the State because you are constantly aware that everyone is being monitored by this Machine. There are shady mob dealings, criminal low lifes and even shadier government dealings, giving the series an overall feeling of paranoia and conspiracy that is wonderfully blended with Caviezel dealing out the action like Chuck Norris in a particularly snappy suit

I use a capital when referencing the Machine because it really does feel like a character, you never seen it communicating directly but it can always be seen identifying characters and extras, making judgements and even deciding if it needs to defend itself. This is where the series takes a tentative step into science fiction, with a daunting question hanging over the Machine itself, is it just a clever program, or is it actually intelligent?

1 Game of Thrones (2011)

If you know me, or follow my twitter or facebook account, you should have seen this coming. I think Game of Thrones is simply the best thing on television since John Logie Baird invented it. If you don’t know what Game of Thrones is about, which rock have you been living under? Oh well, it’s about the Kingdom of Westeros and the constant struggle to rule it. There are too many characters to name here, literally the cast is astonishing but you’ll won’t forget who anyone is because each character is well rounded and stands out. There are full blown battles going on in suits of armour, mythical creatures, magic and ice zombies, ice zombies.

The series was originally written by George R.R. Martin and is on it’s 6^th book now, with more to come so it looks like the HBO series has a long way to go before it’ll be finished and you’ll never want it to finish.

If you’re not watching Game of Thrones you’re missing out on some of the best television drama ever, If I had to sum it up in a sentence, I would say fuck off, you simplistic prick, but if at gun point, I would say Game of Thrones is what you would get if you mixed The Wire with Lord of the Rings.

Honourable Mentions

Breaking Bad and True Blood

These two dramas didn’t make it into my top ten and while they may even be technically better than some of the other series in my top ten, I don’t feel I enjoy them as much personally and while both are excellent, I felt they both consisted almost entirely of reprehensible characters who had not charm or wit to redeem them

God of War The end game.

During the E3 expo of 2012 there was the usual miasma of sequels and prequels and rehashes of old games and the occasional new game. Not unusual for E3 there was a moment of faint controversy when the latest in the God of War series of games unveiled a new enemy that had the design of a large muscular creature that had the head of an elephant ( See this youtube clip for when the fella appears at 5:51 http://youtu.be/j1QOCbAoRts )

Now for those not versed in the games or world religions, the reason why this has caused some mild controversy is because that in the games you play as a historical murderer with incredible anger management issues and a take on atheism that can be certainly called “Pro-active” with him actively trying to kill the pantheon of Greek gods in Olympus.

This new enemy though has raised some theological issues in the fact that Kratos is now killing an elephant headed bad guy, not un-reminiscent of Ganesh of the Hindu religion. Gamers in defence of the series believe that the characters are not similar enough to carry any worry and are simply a new enemy with an interesting look. But the God of War series has always had a loose interpretation of the looks of the Olympian deities so why should this be different for Hindu characters?

If you’re wondering why one pantheon of multi-deity religions is fine for murdering in a game and those in Hinduism isn’t then, you’re a fucking moron. Hinduism is very much alive and thriving, where as the temples of Greek gods have been reduced to places where fat tourists bimble about looking at before buying something in the gift shop to try and prop up Greece’s failing economy.

Enough back-story to this article, here’s my personal take on this. God of War 3 ended with the destruction of the Greek Gods, but I don’t think the story ends there, I think it is just the beginning!

Kratos is the video game equivalent of militant atheism, actively tracking down and killing all the gods, including the wishy washy pagan ones, the Buddhist deities (this is would be a training level really, as they’d just accept their fate and let it happen) to killing a vague fuzzy image of Mohammed and Allah, all the way up to a one on one fight with Jesus wielding a massive cross as a hammer.

The end battle is with a mysterious figure that is simply described as “that odd feeling of being watch” until atheism rules the world and Kratos kills himself to avoid being worshipped and yells “Really, this is actually pointless!” before chopping his own head off.

David Jaffe has called it, Militant atheism has it’s battle cry and it’s call from the dark void of the abyss! Rise up atheist soldiers! Die for nothing! You might as well, it’s going to happen anyway!

Hell on Tuesdays

Little bit of a Preamble! This is a short (max 500 words) story I've written for the Chorlton Arts Festival, but since I crave attention I thought I'd put it up here too and risk being disqualified (I don't see why I would but since the world is a cruel and horrible place this will probably get me killed by sock cancer.)

Hell on Tuesdays

By Stuart Robinson

Matt was sat in his dull grey office cubicle. Staring at the blinking dot of an opened word processor document with no word processing done. His mind is blank like the screen in front of him. Matt’s head was resting upon his palm, his elbow on his desk and his other hand nursing a cold cup of milky chemical-tasting coffee.

Matt was wondering how long he’d been at work, he felt like it had been hours since he had started that morning. Matt barely moved a muscle in his body, bleary red eyes turned and focused on an ancient piece of utilitarian plastic called a clock. It read five minutes past nine. Matt let out a baleful groan and immediately realised his mistake.

The noise had attracted the attention of his boss. It felt like a cold and heavy stone had materialised into his stomach, then he heard the words he was dreading.

“Matthew I’m going to need you to stay till seven tonight, alright? Thanks pal”

*

Matt woke with a jolt, the searing red hot bed of needles ripping into his flesh as his body moved instinctively and the insects that lived under him fed on his fresh dripping blood.
“Oh thank God it was just a dream!” thought Matt and he settled back into his bed, the incredible pain was just a comforting reminder that he was dead and never had to work another damn day.
Matt looked at the thin layer of flayed skin that served at the entrance to his cell and thought the colour of the hellfire outside suggested it must be morning. Suddenly the skin ripped open and in stomped an enormous hulking beast, a patchwork of scales, skin and fur that covered rippling muscle and it roared at Matt, the breath smelling of rot, sulphur and sin.

 “Good morning Nigel” Said Matt

“Good morning Matt” said Nigel and buried a heavy mace into Matt’s intestines “You’ll be delighted to know today is Anal bestial infection day!”

“Lucky me!” Said Matt enthusiastically

Nigel helped Matt off the bed of nails and escorted him out into the corridors of hell and they past a cell of a man who was screaming in pain, crying and shouting for forgiveness from god.
Matt and Nigel shared a knowing look and chuckled, “He new here then?” asked Matt

“Not even a century!” replied Nigel and they both laughed.

On their walk to the specialised torture chambers, waving at other experienced members of hell, Matt said “I had the most horrible dream last night, I was back at my old job, it was terrible, and I was so bored”

“Yeah? Ah well, never mind, you’re here now!” Nigel gave Matt and gentle push into the torture room and pulled over a co-worker of hell “Frank... I’ve got an idea for a new method of torture... have we tried boredom?”

To Carnivores

I love being a meat eater, I have nothing against vegetarians but personally I crave meat. Live your life as you want to, but don’t tell me how to live mine. But one thing gets on my nerves about fellow carnivores, it is the reluctance to eat anything that is “cute”. IE eating a cow is fine, but eating a dog or a cat is horrendous. Why? Because they're pets, not food. Fine! Lets put some lipstick on that cow and now it's inedible!

Fact is, most carnivores are pussies. You cannot eat meat and be a wimp about it. I, as a carnivore, will gladly kill and dismember my own choice of meat, If you cannot do that, stop eating meat. It's that simple. This is not a matter of morality, more a matter of moral fortitude. If you choose to be a meat eater, then have the backbone to support it. Understand you are a killer and eat animals, do not shy away from it, embrace it and enjoy it.

Now understand that there is a difference between eating every animal, be it cute or ugly, and eating your own pets. I have a cat and I would never eat her, but I would happily eat A cat. The difference is between Mine and A. I would not eat my cat because I have an emotional connection to her, but a cat raised to be eaten is fine to me..

This is the choice you make as a person who eats animals. Understand you are a killer or reject it and turn to vegetarianism.