A SUNNY ROAD BY A RIVER IN A QUIET SLEEPY COUNTRY VILLAGE
BOB What’s
that you have there Fred?
FRED I
dunno Bob, it’s just a bag filled with sand.
BOB Then…
why are you so interested in it yeh silly beggar?
FRED Well that’s just the thing ain’t
it Bob? It just fell out of the sky and I 'aven’t got a clue where from…
BOB (Jokingly) Could be Aliens?
BOTH MEN
PAUSE THEN LOOK UP AFTER 10 SECONDS
BOTH Nah…
FRED Well, as I said, it just dropped
out of the sky and… ‘Ere! Bob come look ‘ave a gander at this
FRED KNEELS
DOWN NEXT TO THE BAG AND POINTS TO THE “Hello” ON
IT
FRED It says ‘Ello! That means someone
meant it to be read!
BOB Are you telling me that there’s
some daft bugger up there writing greetin’s on sand bags and chuckin’ ‘em out
of plane windows?
FRED STANDS
FRED Well… What do you reckon it is
then? And if you say aliens I’ll give yer a clip round the ear ‘ole!
BOB MUSES
OVER THIS FOR A MOMENT
BOB I reckon it’s the CIA
FRED (Angrily) That’s yer answer it
everythin’ yer daft sod! Always bloody Government or Aliens or JF Bloody K!
BOB NODS
SAGELY
BOB The truth is out there my
friend…, and its people like you keeping us enlightened ones in the dark!
FRED Lord give me strength...
FRED PAUSES
AS IF JUST DAWNING ON SOMETHING
FRED Ere! Maybe that’s it?
BOB What’s it?
FRED No thanks I’ve already eaten
BOB (Frustrated) I MEAN what is it?
What fantastic conclusion have you reached? Not a savoury snack!
FRED Well maybe it’s from Him?
BOB Who?!
FRED The Lord! Maybe it’s a message
from god!
BOB Oh bloody hell
FRED Don’t start blaspheming in his
presence!
BOB First thing chum! God is
omnipresent, therefore no matter where I am, I would always be in his presence,
If he exists…
FRED STARTS
TOWARDS BOB ANGRILY, BOB HOLDS UP HIS HANDS
BOB Secondly, if it IS from god,
then why the bloody he... (PAUSES) why on earth is he sending brief greetings
on sand bags from the sky? Surely it’d be some bloke on a hill with big robes,
a big beard and saying stuff like “Thou shalt” and “Behold” and whatnot?
FRED Ah (TAPS HIS NOSE) God’s way is
mysterious, maybe it’s not a major prophecy, but just a gentle reminder he’s
out there? Just a slight nudge saying. “Hey Fred! It’ll be alright, I’m
watching out for you”
BOB Wouldn’t be nice for a bloke if
that bloomin’ sandbag landed on his ‘ead… that thing’d take it clean off…
FRED That’s not really the point is it?
Is it so hard that god sent us a nice friendly hello? I mean, you may think
it’s implausible, but that’s the reason I think it’s possible!
BOB Now you just sound like a prat.
FRED Why cant you just open your mind
to the possibilities?! Is it so hard that a being more powerful than you can
exist and control every aspect of your meaningless life?!
BOB (PAUSES) … No.
FRED Why? You may like the idea that
life is meaningless, but I think you should try to enjoy to the life you have
been given by god and all it’s wonderful riches!
BOB Well I agree with the latter
part to that. I enjoy all the riches of this life… Well all the legal ones… but
why does god have to come in and tell me that the things I enjoy are sins?
FRED That’s just the way it is! But
sins are forgiven! I’ve asked you before but why cant you accept the love of
god?!
BOB STAMPS
OVER TO THE BAG AND PICKS IT UP
BOB I’m getting rid of this bloody
thing before you get any more daft ideas in your head!
FRED LUNGES
FOR THE BAG AND THEY STRUGGLE FOR IT
FRED Let me have it! It’s nowt to you!
Give it ‘ere!
BOB This is getting you daft as it
is! You’ll be putting people on the bloody cross soon!
FRED That’s blasphemy you git!
THE BAG
BETWEEN THE TWO SPLITS OPEN, POURING SAND
EVERYWHERE
FRED Look what you’ve done! You
heathen!
BOB It’s best for you!
FRED I’m sick of your crap! You always
mocked my beliefs!
BOB Well stuff you then!
FRED Fine!
FRED WALKS
OFF THE WAY HE CAME
BOB Fine!
BOB STARTS TO
WALK OFF THE WAY HE CAME, THEN FRED WALKS
BACK ONTO
STAGE
FRED Err….See you at the bucket and dog
at six right?
BOB TURNS
BACK TO FRED
BOB Of course, you owe me more than
one pint!
THEY BOTH
WALK OFF STAGE IN THEIR RESPECTIVE DIRECTIONS.
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