Meritocracy

The Scene opens up to the interior of a McDonalds. SHELLY and TREVOR are sat at a table a table piled high with fast food and empty wrappers while a soft pop song pays in the background with lyrics something along the line of “Baby baby, you’re my baby, baby baby ooh love” and “I’ll buy you what you need, I’ll buy You want you want, I’ll buy you”

SHELLY

‘Ere have you heard the news?

TREVOR

Wassat then?

SHELLY

You mean you’ve not seen the main news?

TREVOR

No I’ve not! You know I don’t watch the news; it does me ‘ead in!

SHELLY

Britney’s lost ‘er kids again!

TREVOR

Again?

SHELLY

Yeer, she says she still loves them.

TREVOR

Come on now, this is getting stupid

SHELLY

Wot? I love my kids like that!

TREVOR

Yeah but your kids aren’t thirty!

SHELLY

She just loves them! Leave Britney alone!

TREVOR

For Christ’s Sake!

SIMON enters and walks to SHELLY’s and TREVOR’s table and clears aside the debris of wasted food wrappers

SIMON

A’ right Trev, BEAT hiya Shelly

TREVOR

Ya’right Si?

SIMON

Nah, some shit’s goin

INTERUPTED BY SHELLY

SHELLY

Why’d you invite this nob for?! He’s a mental!

SIMON

Why am I a mental shel? Because I don’t accept the lies your spoon fed?!

SHELLY

Oh yeah and nine eleven was a trick was it?

SIMON

Don’t get me started on that

SHELLY

Why?! Cuz Hitler did it? Or whatever bollocks your on this weekend

TREVOR

All we wanna do is have dinner, why are you to chattin on with yourselves?!

SIMON

Because we have to do something to stop the new world order!

SHELLY

Oh for God’s sake!

SIMON

I’m not pissing about Shelly!

SHELLY

It doesn’t matter! You and your mental ‘ead ideas about the Tony Blair and George Brown don’t mean anything in the real world!

SIMON

SHOUTING If you let me finish then of course they fucking matter!

TREVOR

Whats up Si?

SHELLY

Are the whales working with the aliens?

SIMON

Fuck off Shel!

TREVOR

Si! Calm down, what’s up?

SIMON calms himself down

SIMON

It’s Mickey, he’s gone

TREVOR

What dya mean gone?

SIMON

I mean GONE, you ask his family, they don’t even admit he existed

SHELLY

What dya mean they wont admit he existed?! Course ‘e fookin did, e’s been on the piss enough with us.

SIMON

I dunno, I told him about all the websites I was looking at and then a couple of weeks later ‘e was gone.

TREVOR

What Websites?

SIMON

Conspir... BEAT  Truth Websites

TREVOR

What the fuck have you done Si?

SIMON

Why is it my fucking fault?!

TREVOR STANDS AND LEAVES

SIMON

I was just telling him the truth!